Yin and yang
by Truthful-insanity
Summary: He liked Mac n' cheese. She despised it. He hated neatness where as she needed it. She was loud and shameless, he was quiet and reserved. Total opposites yet so similar, operating on the same frequency that others couldn't understand and the beauty of it was they never saw it, blinded by their own denial. But that was about to change when 'the flash' is born. Slowish burn Barry/OC
1. Chapter 1 - Flash-forward

**Authors note: welcome all those that decided to click on this story, I sure hope y'all don't regret it ha. This is my first story and is based on The Flash and will be Barry/OC sorta slow burn so I hope you like...**

She wasn't intending to ever become this person.

She had her whole life planned down to a T. And that life was simple. Normal. Boring even. But stable.

But lately that had changed.

She had found action, adventure, the feeling of helping people but at the same time constantly fearing for your life. It was terrifying but exciting at the same time. And now? Well... Now it was addictive.

But sometimes the fear won out.

That's what it meant to be human.

She felt the sweat trickling down her bare neck, wispy strands of hair plastering itself to her forehead. Her heart painfully thundering in her chest as she tried to suck in enough oxygen to stop herself feeling dizzy.

The feeling of hovering over the top of a hundred foot building did that to you.

Plus it didn't help she hated heights.

This night was seriously going great. Really. Totally _fab_.

"He'll show up" Leonard mumbled in her ear, holding her on the ledge, knowing that all he had to do was let go and she would be splat on the pavement below, "of course he will. He's still the flash. Powers or no powers"

The flash. One of her best friends. And this guy, this meta human, was using her to get to him. To kill him when he's powerless. That crushing feeling of guilt was immense, suffocating her where she stood.

"No he won't" she lied, softly shaking her head, "he won't. You're wrong"

"Am I?" He chuckled darkly, pushing her that little bit farther off the ledge, her sneakers slipping off the concrete edge and she let out a small shriek, grabbing blindly at the others man's clothes, "the flash... His weakness, his downfall... Is caring too much and you my dear-" he softly swiped some hair away from her flushed red fade despite the nipping wind making her shiver, "-he cares too much about you"

She held back her tears, trying not to glance down at the street below as the roof door got thrown open, Barry and Joe tumbling through.

'No... No no no' she wanted to scream, 'what are you doing? Go away. It's a trap' but she couldn't get the words out, the breath sticking in her throat.

"Let her go" Barry thundered, skidding to a stop, wearing his traditional jeans and shirt and jumper, that flash suit of his not needed just how, not while his powers were on the fritz, "I mean it"

"Scary" Leonard deadpanned, smirking at them, "what are you going to do? Race over here and stop me?" He taunted, tightening his grip around her.

She met Barry's gaze, desperate to try and reassure him, make him try and see sense not to put his life on the line for her.

He was destined to do great things where as she, was not.

Or that's what's she thought at least.

"I will _end you"_ Barry threatened in a low voice, those swirling green eyes of his full of hatred, "and you know I will. Now let. Her. Go"

"Cute" Leonard mumbled in a snarky tone, "and I took her because I figured I should hurt you where it hurt. Metaphorically. You took everything from me flash... Now watch as I do the same to you"

She hardly felt his shove, too absorbed in trying to keep herself calm whilst simultaneously trying to communicate with Barry. Let him know it was okay. Let him know _none_ of this was his fault. Her friend, her best friend, was a hero, and he always would be. _Her_ hero.

Her feet slipped off the ledge, a cry of shock escaping her throat as she started free falling.

And for a split second she felt weightless. Totally free. The cold air rushed right through her, her long hair wildly striking across her face, her limbs twisting.

But that brief second was over and then all she felt was the terror.

There was no one to catch her. No flash. No Barry.

Cold harsh reality seeped into her veins, reality kicking in.

She was falling. Endlessly. And this was it. This was how she died.

And for a moment, that fall lasted for hours. She could hear Barry's scream, Joe's shout, Leonard's delighted cackle. Feel the harsh wind nipping her skin, nearly burning it as she soared downwards.

But she wasn't falling endlessly. Nothing was endless. Certainly not life.

She heard the crack her body made with the sidewalk before she felt it. That awful, ear splitting crunch of bones snapping and breaking. It was horrible and oh so loud. Too loud.

But not long after that the unbearable pain spread across ever inch of her body. Like deadly fire was eating away at her skin. It was horrendous and never ending, consuming her whole.

She was right... No one was there to catch her. No one could. And they never would again.

The last thing she saw was a flash of green obscuring her vision, so calming, so familiar but she couldn't process it. All she knew was it made her feel warm and content and safe. Just like Barry always made her feel.

 _Barry..._

Could it be-

...

But she didn't get to finish that thought. The last thing he said to her playing on her mind as her heart stopped.

' _Flash or no flash, powers or no powers, I will always keep you safe. And that's a promise'._

But that's skipping some of the most important parts of the story. The juicy, interesting, edge of your seat suspense.

No... Let's start at the beginning shall we?

 **Authors note: teaser intro ish, if y'all want more I will happily continue, hope you all enjoyed**


	2. Chapter 2 - Geek machine

**Authors note- heres the next chapter hope you all enjoy**

"You could always get a restraining order you know"

"Yes I do know" Mackenzie rolled her eyes, deleting the fifth text she received this morning, "But there'll messy and half the time don't work. It's fine, he'll let up"

Barry just scoffed from next to her on Joe's sofa, matching her eye roll, "that's the eighth time you've changed your number in six months. I doubt he's going to let up anytime soon"

"Expert on stalker ex boyfriends are you?" She joked playfully, nudging his arm, "Got a few hm?"

Barry just let out a snort of laughter, his green eyes flaring up with amusement, "All I'm saying is… I've seen a few cases okay? They don't turn out good"

"Oh please" She scoffed, "Tom Hillson, the guy that bought be a dozen roses every day, the same guy that resembles a lost puppy, can't do more than harass me. It's chill" She reassured, "Now where's Iris?" She asked, quickly glancing around the Livingroom, "She's late. Iris is never late, that's you"

"I'm not late" Barry objected, half in offence and half in shock but she just raised her eyebrows, "Well… late is a bit extreme. Not exactly on time is more accurate"

She laughed, shaking her head fondly just as the front door opened and Iris practically fell through, overloaded with shopping bags with an apologetic smile on her face.

"Sorry I'm late guys, dad still forgets to do his weekly shop" She chuckled just as Mackenzie jumped up off the sofa, quickly racing over to grab the bags before Barry could.

"Too slow Bar" She teased, sending him a wink, "You really gotta work on your speed"

Iris laughed, glad for the help, "Thanks Kenzie. So we all still on for later?"

"Y'all better be" Mackenzie warned, dumping the bags on the kitchen countertop, "I'm losing out on some serious dosh tonight. It's some rich guys stag night at the club - a.k.a some serious tips"

"I can't believe you're still working there" Barry commented, just like he did every time her work was brought up, "Don't you get fed up of the sleezebags?"

"Yes but it pays the bills" She laughed. Yeah okay she worked in a 'high end' dance club which was just a fancy name for a posh strip club. She was still getting her PHD in psychology, having completed her bachelors and masters, and it was hard to find a job that accommodated to her schedule. Plus, she got to explore her love of dance. Fair enough with limited clothes on but everyone had to start somewhere.

"I did offer you my spare room" Barry shrugged, "And I wouldn't charge you a fortune, unlike your landlord. You buy the pizza and I'm good" He sent her that wide grin that made her chuckle.

"And I thanked you for that offer but I promise, I'm good" She laid her hand on his arm, "I can take care of myself"

Except she was thousands of dollars in debt. Education was seriously expensive. She could earn more if she really wanted to, but that would only happen if she went topless at the strip club and although, sure, she was confident in her body she didn't want to do that. Not yet.

"Are you sure-"

"Yes" She laughed, rolling her eyes playfully with Iris as she ruffled Barry's hair, "Now relax Bar-ster, no getting your knickers in a twist"

"Bar-ster?" Barry almost choked with laughter at that nickname, "I thought we established you would _never_ use that name ever again?"

She just shrugged, "No, you tried to make me promise and I said I would do my best. No vows were exchanged"

"That's true" Iris nodded, biting her lip to stop from laughing, "Sorry Barry"

"I hate it when you two gang up on me" Barry grumbled but the small playful smirk playing on his lips let them both know he was joking, "two against one is so not fair"

"Sorry Bar-ster" Mackenzie shrugged with a playful glint in her blue gaze, "I kinda like this name"

"You called me that when we were twelve!"

"And you still look that age" she laughed, "Can you even grow facial hair?" she joked.

"I shave" He replied, with a light-hearted laugh "You know I shave. You have seen me shave on multiple occasions"

"Debatable Bar-ster" She chuckled, jumping back before he could get her into a head lock and ruffle her hair, "Oooooh too slow, _again"_

He chortled, that cute child-like glint returning to his eyes, "We'll see about that"

Luckily she was quick on her feet, letting out a delighted shriek of laughter as he started to chase her around the kitchen and then through to the livingroom, his long lanky limbs expertly dodging around every obstacle but she was fast and managed to slide past Joe just as he was entering the front door, the older man letting out a surprised shout as her and Barry barrelled past him with Iris howling with laughter in the background.

"Are you sure they're grownups?" Joe asked his daughter with a fond but exasperated smile tugging at his lips as the 'adults' raced around the garden, "or did something happen where they magically reverted back to children?"

Iris just shrugged, that dazzling smile still playing on her lips, "it's cute. Everybody needs to have a little fun"

And it was fun. The three best friends anyone could ever ask for.

* * *

"Are you _sure_ you're okay?" Mackenzie asked for the hundredth time as they reached the police station, "You normally bruise like a peach"

"I promise I'm fine" He half chuckled, "And I'm not that delicate Kenzie"

"Lemme see" She requested and he just cocked an eyebrow, "Aw c'mon, I literally saw you shirtless last week. I also know you have like two abs, I don't care" She laughed, already tugging up his shirt and jumper to inspect the blooming bruise on his ribcage, "You sure you didn't like crack a rib or something?"

"Um… uh… yeah, yeah I'm sure" He mumbled as her hand softly stroked over the tender bruise, "Promise I… I… yeah it's good"

He didn't know why he was stuttering and making an idiot of himself. Around her he was either confident and out his shell or awkward and stumbly, there was no in-between.

"Good" She grinned, "And I'm sorry you don't get to see your geek machine turn on, I know how much you were looking forward to it"

"Eh" He shrugged even though she could see the disappointment flare up in his eyes, "it's fine"

"It's not fine" She said softly, always hating it when Barry was sad "but maybe someday there will be an even better and bigger machine and you'll be in the front row watching it do its geek magic"

"Yeah" He chuckled, "Maybe. Thanks for coming Kenzie… and saving my ass from an even worse beating"

"That's what I'm here for. Your own personal bodyguard" She playfully punched his arm but with the small wince he gave she was guessing it was a little more than playful, "No one hits my Barry and gets away with it"

Okay so she saw this guy hitting Barry with Iris's laptop bag and managed to deck him one before he escaped and then got arrested.

He let out a small nervous laugh, scratching the back of his neck, "Um… y-your Barry?"

"Yeah" She shrugged shamelessly, leaning up to press a fleeting kiss to his cheek, "Now get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow"

"Okay, yeah, will do. Thanks Kenzie"

His smile was enough to light up any room or make anyone smile even on their most crappest day. That was one of his talents. That boyish grin.

She sent him a wink, retreating away from the police station, idly wandering down the street but it wasn't even five minutes later when seemingly, out of nowhere, a sudden explosion shook throughout the city, a tunnel of powerful energy shooting towards the sky and the power cut out.

Barry's 'geek machine' was apparently faulty.

"Oh my god" She mumbled under her breath, watching as lightning crackled across the sky, dangerously zapping helpless targets on the ground.

Without even thinking about it, her terrified blue eyes found the outline of the police station in the distance just as a particularly large and dangerous bolt of lightning struck through the roof.

 _Barry._

She took off into a run, pushing past awe struck and fearful pedestrians, her converse clad feet pounding along the sidewalk as she made her way into the building, racing up the stairs and straight into Barry's lab/office. Truthfully, she didn't even know what it was, it had just always been Barry's space. That space usually used for pizza eating competitions.

She skidded over the threshold, her eyes immediately sliding over the trashed room and the water covered ground before seeing her best friend toppled over against a stack of shelves, her heart seizing in her chest at the sight of him hurt and unconscious, possibly dead.

The scream she let out was inhumane – filled with fear and complete worry, of grief. A complete wail of horror.

"No no no no no" she chanted in terror, racing over through the puddle of water and dropping to her knees next to him, "No, no no Barry… Barry open your eyes. _Please_ Bar… **_Barry"_**

She swiped her hands through his hair, tilting his head to the side to stare at him.

He was breathing – barely, his skin cold.

"Barry… Barry, please" She begged, _"Please stay with me"_

No answer.

She hadn't felt this level of terror and worry before, her heart thumping wildly in her chest.

He was her best friend. She couldn't lose him. Not now, not _ever._

"Barry" She cried, salty tears cascading down her cheeks and dripping off her jawline and hitting his pale and slack face, "Hold on you hear me? Hold on"

" ** _BARRY"_**

 **Authors note- a little insight on relationships ect before the story really starts. Hope you liked and please let me know what you thought, next chapter out soon if you liked**


	3. Chapter 3 - Nine months

**Author's note – this is the next installation, hope you enjoy.**

The next nine months were the worst of her life. And no, that wasn't her being overdramatic.

Having to perform CPR on her best friend whilst waiting for the paramedics was traumatising enough, not to mention having to watch as his heart constantly kept giving way over the next few weeks.

It was like she kept losing him over and over again.

And Barry was the one person she couldn't bear to lose.

Her worry and grief had turned into isolation, then to anger.

She was kicked off the PHD programme. She thought that turning up half cut to a lecture may have been the last straw but to be quite honest she found herself not really caring.

And before? Getting her PHD was everything but now? It meant nothing. All she wanted was her best friend back so things could go back to normal.

She watched as Iris gradually started healing, returning to work and starting to secretly date her dad's partner while Joe focused more on his work, being the great detective he was known to be. Barry was permanently moved to STAR labs, his condition not worsening but not getting any better either.

Everything seemed to just move on while she was stuck in a rut.

She was kicked out her crappy apartment after forgetting to pay the rent for three months and that was when she truly hit rock bottom. Homeless, education-less, the countless one night stands and still working in a strip club. This is not how she planned things.

So she tried to follow in everyone else's footsteps and move on. Her qualifications meant she was more than capable of becoming a councillor and Joe managed to get her a job at the station, responsible for looking after all the cops' mental health – which she thought was ironic when hers was seriously impaired.

But she felt comfortable helping others, like she was finally doing something right.

She kept up working in the club five nights a week to pay for Barry's apartment (which she totally decided to stay in) until he was up and running again and try and pay off all her debts. After four months of emptiness, his apartment was dusty and full of cobwebs, damp starting to spread so she kept it clean, keeping his cupboards full and laundry fresh and clean.

Iris had looked at her pityingly then, sharing a look with Joe.

Mackenzie knew what they were thinking – that she was holding onto false hope, not allowing her time to heal and accept Barry might not wake up. She knew that. As much as she wished she didn't she did. She saw him in that bed, unmoving and unconscious. She was well aware of his fate but that didn't mean she had to accept it.

So she carried on doing what she was doing.

Cleaning his apartment. Washing his clothes. Basically acting crazy.

Sometimes she even started talking to him when she was lounging on his couch, forgetting he wasn't there or ordering two pizzas instead of one. It was actually ridiculous how stuck she was.

"Hey Bar… it's me. Again" Mackenzie said softly, sitting down on the seat next to his bed at STAR labs, cisco and Caitlyn quietly working on something on the computers, trying not to listen in but Mackenzie didn't mind if they heard, they were keeping her best friend alive and she owed them everything, "It's uh… it's been seven months of hell basically. Ever since that night… since you… since you went into the coma… I keep expecting you to wake up. And the longer than you don't the more I feel like tearing my hair out"

She let out a soft chuckle, gently holding his hand and staring down at his pale face, "I guess I don't cope too well with loss"

He didn't answer… he _never answered._

"Two hundred and nineteen days without fail I've come to see you. Every day. And I think the reason I can't move on, I can't live my life, is because I'm… I'm stuck. Stuck with you. And that's not healthy. I should know right? I'm a councillor" she forced herself to laugh lightly, "I tell people how to help themselves deal with emotions but I don't take my own advice. And I think everyone knows that. Iris and Joe definitely do"

She leaned forward, gently running her hand through his hair.

She had showed up so often to do random things that Caitlyn now stepped aside to let her trim up Barry's hair, cut his nails and give him a shave but was nice enough to show her how to brush his teeth and at the time it felt good helping him but now she took a step back she realised how much it had affected her. Being involved in his care was draining – emotionally draining.

This was why it was easier for care to someone you didn't know, there was no ties.

"I can't… I can't keep coming here Bar. Not every day at least. It's just too damn hard. I'm.. I'm sorry"

She blinked back the tears, stroking his cheek.

"You're in good hands, they'll look after you but I also need to look after myself. I need to get my shit together. I need to find my way back to myself. But I still love you Bar, you're still my best friend…"

She leaned forward, pressing a soft lingering kiss to his clammy forehead, not even registering the slow trail of tears cascading down her cheeks, pulling back to gaze down sadly at his slack face, "Please just… wake up soon okay. Who else am I going to do karaoke with?"

She laughed to try and lighten the mood but it didn't work. Not when he didn't laugh back.

"Oh Barry… you stupid idiot" She mumbled, biting her lip and leaning down to give him a hug, aching for his lanky arms to just wrap around her but they never. They hadn't for over seven months.

With her head pressed into his bare chest she felt his heart beating strongly but fast, these days it was always fast, and a part of her didn't want to leave. Except she knew she must. She needed to live her life. She needed things to go back to normal.

"I love you Bar… don't forget that" She pulled back, not able to look at him again lying helpless and still in that bed and wiped her cheeks, grabbing her bag and standing up as Caitlyn and Cisco scrambled about to look as if they busy and not listening to every word she said.

"Thanks guys… for everything" She mumbled, chocked up and desperately trying not to cry, "Just uh… please call me if anything changes. I'll be down in a flash"

"Of course" Caitlyn nodded, her voice full of sympathy, "we'll take good care of him"

Mackenzie was just able to nod, dipping her head and escaping from the cortex as fast as her numb legs would allow her to, hating the guilt she felt gripping at her chest.

"Huh" Cisco mumbled, pulling the red lollipop from his mouth, "Do you think they ever had a thing? You know, like a sexual-girlfriend-boyfriend type of thing? I think they had a thing"

Caitlyn just sent him an exasperated look, placing her hands on her hips and shaking her head.

"I think you need to mind your own business"

Cisco just threw his hands in the air, "All I'm saying is our boy is quite the stud – he has lots of hot females visiting his bedside"

"Our boy? He's not our boy. He's our patient"

Cisco just smirked, "He's our boy, don't deny it Caitlyn"

Caitlyn just shook her head, turning back to her computer.

But she couldn't deny she felt like she knew Barry and all his friends, despite not actually knowing them at all really. She was his doctor, she bathed him, made sure he received the adequate amount of nutrients through the feeding tube and kept his muscles strong by spending up to hours a day moving his body.

She may not have exchanged a single word with him but he still felt like a friend, despite that.

* * *

"You missed your session Johnson" Mackenzie called out to the figure of the retreating cop, "I have to clear your emotional health before you can go back out into the field, you know that"

The cop, David Johnson, just chuckled at her knowing tone, turning around to send her a smirk.

"Sweetheart, my emotional health is just fine"

"Then it should be no problem having a session with me then should it?" She grinned, leaning to the side to let her office door swing open, "You can't bribe me to get out of this"

"How about we talk about my feelings over dinner?" He shrugged, walking to stand opposite her.

"I don't mix work and play"

"It's fun to blur the lines a little" He flirted and okay, he was attractive, all tall dark and handsome but she hadn't really been dating lately, plus she really didn't want to get fired from this job.

She smiled, biting her lip and glancing at her feet, "Detective West wants me to clear your mental wellbeing after that shooting incident at the mall" Johnson and his colleagues were forced to shoot a group of gang members, Johnson hitting and killing two of them, and it was compulsory for every incident such as that to be brought to a councillor or psychotherapist to evaluate their mental health, "The sooner the better"

"I don't like getting shrinked"

She just shrugged, "Tough luck"

He just smirked, "I'm not going to get out of this am I? Even if I compliment that tremendously hot outfit your wearing?"

"Nope" She laughed, rolling her eyes at his lame flirting – she was wearing a tight black skirt and pokka dot shirt, not exactly the most attractive thing in her wardrobe, "I have a free hour now, what do you say?"

Johnson groaned, "Mackenzie Martin, you are one stubborn woman"

"I have to be to deal with cops on a daily basis, so in you go-"

"Kenzie?"

She froze at that voice, so familiar yet so foreign to her, her back immediately stiffening.

No. No way. Impossible. She was just imagining things, that was all. There had been so many times over the past nine months where she thought she heard that soft comforting voice, from places such as the supermarket or over the telly and she had made an idiot of herself trying to follow that voice only to find it belonged to a middle aged lorry driver or something. No. the belonger of that voice was still in a coma. And he had been for the past nine months. She was just hearing things; she was _sure_ of it.

She shook her head, mentally putting a block up and facing Johnson again but she felt shaky and pale, her heart thundering in her chest.

"Um… yeah… I have an hour-"

"Kez?"

Only one person called her that…

She felt the breath stick in her throat, her eyes widening as she slowly turned around and time seemed to slow down at her bright blue eyes clashed with those familiar green ones.

The ones she hadn't seen in nine months.

The files she held slipped from her slack hands, spilling all over the floor but she didn't care. She didn't know whether to burst into tears or laugh hysterically because standing not ten feet in front of her was none other than her best friend.

"… B-Barry?"

He smiled, that boyish cheeky grin and nodded.

"Yeah. Long-time no see Kenzie"

That did it for her. It was really him. No hallucination. No dream. Just him.

Despite wanting to faint right then and there in shock she launched herself into his arms, squeezing him so hard she was surprised he stayed upright and breathing, his own arms winding around her waist.

"Oh my god… Oh my god… it's you, it's really you" She breathed against the side of his neck, shaking in shock, "Barry… it's you…"

"I'm alright. I'm here" He soothed gently, "Kez, I'm really sorry-"

She shook her head, cutting him off and sliding out of his grip, cupping his cheeks.

"No, no don't do that unnecessary apologising thing you do. You don't have anything to be sorry for" She whispered, well aware people were stopping and staring at them clinging to each other in the middle of the corridor, "I'm just… just so happy you're okay" She glanced down at his lean body, "You are okay aren't you?"

"Me? What-yeah I'm great. I feel great" He laughed, "I promise"

She couldn't contain her smile as she threw her arms around him again, her chest expanding with delight.

"Jeez Barry, please don't do that again. Enough of the dramatics okay?"

She was sure she felt him smile against her shoulder, "Promise. No more dramatics, just plain old mundane everything"

And that was the day she finally started living again.

 _ **Flashforward**_

" _I wasn't fast enough" Barry mumbled brokenly, his voice croaking quietly as he sat slumped against the hospital white washed wall, "I wasn't fast enough and I failed… I failed her-"_

" _Barry, don't do this to yourself" Joe mumbled, squatting opposite him and placing a fatherly hand on his shoulder, "This, none of this, is your fault"_

" _It is. It is my fault" Barry murmured, unable to stop the tears dripping off his jawline, "Joe I… I can't… I feel… I… she's my… I think I-"_

" _I know" His surrogate dad answered knowingly, "I know how you feel Barry, I know how you feel about her. And when she wakes up you'll get a chance to tell her. Because that girl in there is a fighter, you know that better than anyone. She's going to be okay"_

" _No… no she's not Joe" Barry mumbled, wiping at his wet cheeks with the back of his hand,_ _ **"I wasn't fast enough"**_

Authors note: Yay, chapter three, hope you all enjoyed and please review to let me know, hope you like this story. See you all soon.


	4. Chapter 4 - Dozen red sinister roses

**Authors Note – I finally got around to writing a new chapter – Really super hope you all enjoy.**

"I just… I can't believe it" she murmured, tugging him into her office and slamming the door shut behind her, _"nine months_ Barry… I was honestly starting to believe you wouldn't wake up"

"Lost faith in me?" he teased with a cheeky smile but as much as she tried to smile back she just-she _couldn't_. Seeing Barry was a massive shock to the system, a good one, sure, but her life had gone downhill so much in nine months that having something actually _good_ happen totally knocked her off her feet.

"Oh hey, no, I'm sorry" Barry swept forward, bringing her into a gentle hug as she started crying, "that was totally insensitive and I should've called first – please don't faint on me"

"I'm just so happy to see you, that's all" she cried, clinging to the back of his shirt, "you have no idea"

"I'm sorry" he whispered again, "if I could've woken up sooner, I would"

She pulled back, blinking past the tears threatening to fall, "at least you're okay, that's all that matters to me" she said honestly, "you're all that matters to me… uh… heh, I mean, you and all the other people in my life" she laughed awkwardly, "you're not _that_ special Allen"

He grinned, showing his dimples, "it's so good to see you Kez. What's been happening these past nine months? With you I mean?"

She froze, shifting from foot to foot, "Honestly? I…" she paused, craving opening up to him but wondering if she would just open that massive can of worms, "some pretty bad stuff" she admitted honestly, "stuff I'm not proud of. It's been pretty rock bottom lately"

He frowned in worry, reaching out for her hand, "Kenzie, you can talk to me. I'm here now"

"I know" she nodded, "but I… I don't want you looking at me any differently"

"I would never" he vowed, guiding her to sit down on the leather couch, perching next to her, "you're my best friend Kez"

She sucked in a deep breath, running her hands through her loose hair and peeking over to him, "I uh… I got kicked off my PHD programme-" his eyes widened a little in shock at that, "-lost my flat, had way too many drunken nights out and made some questionable decisions with guys – some whose names I didn't even find out – and all because I couldn't deal with loosing you. How pathetic is that?"

He looked at her sadly, "It's not pathetic" he disagreed, softly shaking his head as he reached up and caught some loose hair that had slipped out in front of her face, gently tucking it behind her ear, "you were hurting… didn't Iris help? Or Joe? You could've spoke to your mom?"

"Yeah, kinda hard when she's moved halfway across the world" his eyebrows raised high in shock, "I don't know, she met some rich guy, took off on his private jet to Germany – we skype but it's just not the same, y'know? And Iris and Joe… they've been great. They have" because it was true, she couldn't fault their support, "I just…" she didn't know what she was trying to say, how she could even begin to explain the hell the last nine months had caused her without appearing weak and clingy and way too needy. She literally couldn't function until now, talk about co-dependant much?

"Kez?" he gently prompted and she just shook her head, plastering a smile on her face.

"Nothing. Everything's fine now" she nodded, "I'm so glad you're back" she added, not even giving him a second to prepare himself before she pulled him into another tight hug, grabbing at his clothes and not preparing to let him go, "please don't ever do that again"

He chuckled against her neck before sucking in a sharp breath at how hard she was squeezing him but he didn't mind, not one bit, "you have my word"

And that was all she needed to hear.

She pulled back, discreetly rubbing at her eyes to rid them of the tears and smiled brightly, "oh and by the way I moved in to your apartment"

He laughed, "I'm glad you finally took me up on my offer. Only took getting struck by lightning to do it"

She slapped his chest playfully, "I was homeless. Plus I tried to keep the place as tidy as possible. And yes, before you ask, you still have the master bedroom, relax"

"Sweeeet"

She smirked, "hope you don't mind me as a roomie"

"You always initiate the pizza eating compititions, of course I don't mind you as a roomie"

"Oh so it's for the pizza is it? Not because I'm one of your best friends?" she teased, nudging him playfully.

"That too" he quipped, "speaking of pizza, tonight, our place?"

Our place… kinda had a nice ring to it.

"Of course" she smiled, "I need someone to fight over the extra pepperoni with"

He laughed, sending her a wink as he jumped to his feet and despite being out of commission for nine months, he still had that lanky, athletic yet overly clumsy feel to him and she smiled as she realised that things hadn't changed. Not one bit.

"It's on Kez" he leaned down, pressing a light kiss to her forehead, one that he never really thought about but she still quirked at eyebrow at but let it pass, not bringing it to attention, hell she wasn't even sure he realised he did it himself, "I'll see you later okay?"

"Sure thing" she nodded, watching his spaztic-self leave the office in a haste of lanky limbs and smiled at the image, finally feeling that continuous uncomfortable knotting in her gut loosen.

Maybe things were finally looking up.

* * *

She left her office that same day to grab some lunch, a bounce in her step and an unwavering smile on her face as she did so, that constant worry and panic now no longer there.

She felt happy… for the first time in months. _Months_.

Mackenzie pulled back the door and almost in her haste to buy some greasy fatty food from the burger truck downstairs, amd almost tripped over something laid on the carpet directly outside her door and frowned, glancing both ways suspiciously before picking up the bouquet of flowers gingerly.

She hadn't been on any dates in months, the most she had done was got drunk and got laid, end of story. Wasn't exactly romantic.

She noticed the twelve perfect red roses in her grasp, an uncomfortable shiver running down her spine as she carefully tried to unstick the card from the plastic wrappings but just ended up pricking her finger, the pad of her index finger welling up with blood.

"Ouch" she cursed, bringing it to her lips to soothe before unsealing the envelope, not feeling any better about this whole situation.

The only person that had ever bought her a dozen red roses was her ex, Tom Hillson. The one she broke up with and who pestered her for months. The one she, coincidentally, hadn't heard from in ages. Months even. Nine to be exact.

Her gut churned, her eyes carefully reading over the block letters.

 **'I'll see you very, very soon'.**

She dropped the roses, hating the sudden unease spreading through her veins as she glanced once again at the near empty corridor, as if searching for a pair of eyes looking back at her.

Maybe she should've listened to Barry and recognised his, then, harmless pestering could turn into something _much more_ sinister.

* * *

"Okay so I can run real quick and now, what? Miraculously heal myself? What the hell is going on?"

"That is what we're wanting to find out" Caitlin reassured, giving him a brief half smile before glancing back down at her tablet and resuming tapping, "don't worry Barry"

Easier said than done, he felt like saying but kept his mouth shut, absentmindedly rubbing at his wrist as he stepped up from perching at the end of bed but Cisco stepping in front of him blocked his way.

"Okay so now the serious crap is out the way, be straight here with me brother okay? Were you or were you not hooking up with that chic? You know, the one with the great body and amazing pair of – uh… eyes" he fumbled with as Barry shot him a glare, "eyes, yeah, I totally meant eyes there. So blue"

"What?"

"I have a bet with Caitlin"

"You most certainly do _not_ " the scientist shot back, alarmed.

"Do too. You got fed up with me speculating so you agreed to take me up on that bet to shut me up"

"I wasn't being _serious_ about it"

"Too late now" Cisco laughed, popping the red lollipop back in his mouth and grinning widely at Barry, "So do please tell _all"_

"Uh…" he flushed a little under Cisco's intense stare, "um no. Kez is just my friend"

"I'm not convinced" Cisco stated, shaking his head in disappointment, "liar"

"I'm not lying"

"Liar liar, pants on fire"

"Cisco-"

"Sorry, but _just_ friends don't visit their _just_ -friend every day for seven months straight and always leave in tears – just sayin'"

"Wait she…" Barry murmured, frowning thoughtfully, "every day? For seven months?"

"Without fail" Caitlin chipped in, smiling a little, "you have some really great friends Barry"

 _"Girlfriend"_ Cisco coughed under his breath, shooting Barry a devil winning smile as he shot him a look like 'really, dude? C'mon', "get in there before someone else does cos' trust me dude, you'll regret it if you don't"

Barry blushed a bright red, turning away from their stares and changing the topic of conversation. He didn't like venturing into 'feelings' or 'attraction', especially with his best friend who told him everything. It was wrong. He shouldn't go there.

And despite being fast, he totally missed Cisco's knowing smile to Caitlin who just rolled her eyes and got back to work.

* * *

 _"We're doing everything we can but it's going to be a long process, I'm going to tell you that now" the surgeon warned glumly, standing there in his scrubs drenched with sweat, patches of blood drying on the green material, "if we stitch her up too early there's a chance she won't be strong enough to make it through another surgery so as long as she's holding up, we're going to keep going"_

 _"What… what kind of injuries are there?" Joe asked tearfully and Barry was hanging onto every word, slowly, piece by piece, feeling himself breaking._

 _The surgeon paused and that was when Barry knew, for sure, the situation was dire… there was no good to come out of this… he had failed._

 _"Broken bones, lacerations to the spleen and kidneys, collapsed lung… there also appears to be multiple breakages in the spine" he said delicately, "upon further inspection, we noted this was present in both the cervical and thoracic sections and… and if she pulls through, the likely prognosis is she'll be paralysed from the neck down… I say if very carefully because, the way things are going, I don't think she will make it off the table. But I have seen miracles, and I will try my damn hardest to perform one now, you have my word on that"_

 _Barry hardly heard the last words he spoke, sinking back into his seat and retreating back into his shell._

 _There was no good ending, he was right._

 _Either way he had lost her, all because he was too slow. Because by the time he regained his speed he was too late, already hovering over her broken and battered body on the sidewalk. If he was just half a second faster then all this could've been stopped._

 _Half a second and he could've saved her._

 _Half a second._

 **LOL well aware I haven't updated, lost my muse but if everyone still wants me to continue I will happily do so excited where this is headed ha so pleaseeeeeeeeeee review it would mean so much to both me and my muse ha see you all soon I hope**


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